Maybe I’m Not Broken After All

A lot of my recent posts about burnout have been about all the things I’m doing—learning, trying, pushing myself to go and do and be. It’s honestly so easy for me to have six or seven things scheduled in a day, all with the intention of “fixing myself” or making myself “deserving.”

I’ve been trying to work on myself physically, emotionally, spiritually, and mentally. And don’t get me wrong—I do mean well by it. But this week’s blog is less about doing and more about being. About being okay with myself as I am.

I may have said this before (and probably will again), but this realization hit differently this time. It’s like I’ve been on autopilot—nonstop hustle, trying to build a business, trying to heal, trying to improve… but underneath it all, I’ve been trying to fix myself. Because deep down, I’ve always felt like something was broken inside of me. And maybe there is something a little “off”—but don’t we all have our quirks, our shadows, our weird little human bits?

In my own way, I’ve been forcing myself into so many experiences, so many connections, trying to heal and grow—but it’s become too much. It’s overwhelming. And more than anything, I’ve come to realize this:  There’s nothing wrong with me.

Sure, there are things I’d like to improve. That’s normal. But I don’t need to fix who I am.

It’s like I’ve been romancing my shadow self—learning to accept and embrace all the parts of me, even the wonky, less “polished” ones. And I’m learning to do less while aiming for bigger outcomes. I truly believe that’s possible.

I’ve also realized how much time I’ve spent meeting with others to help “fix” me, when the truth is: most of it must come from within. Healing, clarity, peace—they’re inside jobs.

Recently, I had a big decision to make. I knew what I wanted to do, but I called someone anyway, looking for reassurance. Deep down, I knew I wouldn’t get it from them. I knew it would be a critical, non-supportive interaction. And yet, I made the call… and of course, I was upset afterward. But I wasn’t surprised.

In therapy a few days later, I had a lightbulb moment: that voice I heard on the other end of the line? It sounded a lot like my own inner voice. That critical, harsh tone—it’s how I speak to myself. I don’t even realize I’m doing it most of the time. It’s just… always there, running like background noise.

It was a heavy realization, but an important one.

So now, I’m trying to catch myself when that voice creeps in. It’s hard—when something’s been so deeply ingrained—but it’s getting easier. I’ve started playing a self-talk app in the background with positive affirmations, just so my brain can hear something different. I’m trying to rewire the track.

I’m also doubling down on gratitude. I had let my practice slip because, honestly, I’d been riding high for a while. Life was good until my birthday trip in February… and since then? If I’m being real, things have felt kind of like shit.

But I know everything is happening for me—not to me. I’ll get through this. I’ll grow. But I also have to remember that I can’t force myself through a million self-help things a day just to prove I’m worthy. If I tried to do everything I’ve “wanted to try,” I’d need 48 hours in every 24.

Sometimes, I leave a self-help session feeling worse than before. Who would’ve thought I’d ever say that? But the truth is, trying to change too much too fast can be exhausting. I’ve been attaching my self-worth to how much I’m doing to “improve” myself. And that’s just not sustainable.

There’s no timeline. No final destination. No goal I have to hit to “arrive” at being enough.

I just need to be.
To truly be who I am—and who I am isn’t someone who thrives on doing all the time.

I like rest. I like play. I like wasting hours doing nothing. And there is nothing wrong with that.

Still, my inner dialogue often says otherwise. It says I should be doing this or that. I shouldn’t cancel. I should be more, do more, fix more. I’ve been aware of that word—should—for a long time, and sometimes I catch it. But other times, it runs wild.

So this week’s realization is simple:
I don’t need fixing.
I just need accepting.
And maybe that’s the most healing thing I can do.